So I thought it would be appropriate to explain the title of my blog, since it doubles as an introduction to myself and my journey.
Last year, my husband and I were expecting our first child. She was due December 18, 2008. I have always been a huge fan of winter and Christmas and the feeling of family and peace that comes with that time of year. One of the things I told my husband throughout the ridiculously hot summer was that when the baby came, I wanted it to snow.
I didn't realize at the time, but it was somewhat prophetic to wish for snow. On September 9, 2008, I woke up certain that something was wrong. I hadn't felt the baby move in a few days, though she never really moved very much to begin with. I was 26 weeks pregnant and didn't know how much movement was normal and when I would start to worry, I'd feel butterflies in my stomach and I mistook them for the baby. When I got dressed for the day, the pants that I'd been wearing with a Bella Band buttoned and I knew something was definitely different. I went in to the doctor's office and we discovered that there was no amniotic fluid, and no heartbeat.
September 10, 2008 we delivered our beautiful baby girl Charlotte Anne. My husband and I held her for as long as we could, but finally we knew we had to say goodbye. I handed her back to him and told him that I needed him to take her from me or I would never let her go. We finished our stay in the hospital that night and the next morning went home.
On September 19, 2008, my mom and I went to the airport to pick up my dad, who had finally been able to get away from work to come up and see us, to express his sympathy and make sure that his family was okay. While we were waiting, I looked through the newspaper, thinking that perhaps I'd find a puppy that needed to be adopted. My husband and I had talked about getting a dog for Charlotte for her first birthday, but decided that in light of the new circumstances, it might be appropriate to get a dog sooner rather than later. We had disagreed on the breed - I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to dogs, and am in love with anything that is a Golden Retriever or a Labrador Retriever, whereas he's perfectly content with a mutt of unknown origin. I think the biggest turn-off for purebred dogs for him was a combination of genetic problems and price. So we decided that we'd just look for the perfect dog and not worry too much about what kind it was, it just had to be a girl. I came across an ad for a female Golden/Lab mix who was in need of a new home. The family who owned her at the time had just had a baby and decided that they couldn't handle the full household anymore. I called the number, hoping that the puppy was still available, since breeds like that tend to be adopted fairly quickly. The woman told me that I was actually the first call they'd received - the ad had only been put in the paper that morning. I asked a few questions, like how old she was and if she had her shots, all of the important questions, then I asked her name. The woman said that since she was so young (only 6 months old) we could change her name if we wanted to, but that the dog's name was Yuki. I cried. I knew right away that this dog had to be mine
- Yuki is the Japanese word for snow.
Things worked out differently than I expected they would. We got our baby girl too early for real snow, but we found a new family member in the process who has helped us through the grieving process in ways we never could have imagined. When the baby came, we got Snow.