It is the first snow of the year, finally! More notably, however, it is Natalie's first real snow - the first that she noticed there were little white flakes falling from the sky. So, of course, in proper childish fashion, we bundled up at 10pm to go play in the snow! She loved it! A fairy princess, or rather a pink marshmallow, Natalie was so beautiful standing in the snow, in the light from the house, flakes falling gently around her. At first, she was apprehensive, she didn't know what it was. After a few handfuls thrown her way, however, she started to get the idea! She truly is my snow-baby! I can't believe it's already Christmas time again - though Thanksgiving is this Thursday, that is close enough for me! I put up the tree, garland, some lights and our stockings (which I claim to be because that wall was so bare I couldn't stand it anymore, but we all know that isn't true!) I am ready to start baking and wrapping more presents, and showing all of my favorite Christmas movies to Natalie. I'm ready to indoctrinate her with the happiness of Christmas as a child, and hoping to re-gain some of the joy for myself as well. This will be our third Christmas without Charlotte and while I'm still saddened by that, it finally feels like we are ready to truly celebrate again. Natalie has brought more joy into this house than she will ever fully realize and it's only at Christmas time that I can even begin to match that joy for her! So, I say, let it begin! Let the joy from the Christmas spirit reach out to all of us and guide us through the rest of this year and into the next. Let the faith of the masses show us that no matter what we believe, that is all we must do: Believe. Let the beauty of childhood remind us that we are all still children at heart - that there is nothing more precious than the innocence of a child. Let us all know that there is good in the world, far more than the bad and even greater than we imagine. And most of all, let us simply do what we were born to do: Love. Natalie sure is good at teaching me to be more thankful!

Birthday Photos

Happy Birthday, Lovey!

Wow, a year already… It seems like time flies by faster with each moment, I am almost afraid to sleep, worried that tomorrow Natalie will be 18 and moving out of the house.  She amazes me and humbles me in so many ways!  Tonight, we were having dinner with some friends she hadn’t met before and she was so in love with them!  Of course, they were in love with her, too, but it was amazing to see how she can tell which people are good souls and which ones aren’t.  There have been people she has met along the way who she wants nothing to do with, while others are her favorite people instantly! 

She walks like a mad-woman now, scurrying along past tables, chairs, the dog… she knows how to go up and down a single stair (since we only have one in our house…) and when she falls down, she knows to pick herself back up and walk some more! 

Today, when I left the house, my darling girl gave me puckered kisses and said “bah bah” as I walked out the door.  It broke my heart with joy to hear her as she learns to talk.  I swear, the other day she even said “I love you”  She knows what she wants and how to get it now, even knows how to pull off her pajama bottoms so we can change her diaper!  She is a clever little monkey and climbs on EVERYTHING!!!  I think we will have to put locks on the top cabinets, she will be able to reach them magically soon enough!

I love you so much, my sweet Natalie Rose… I hope that every birthday is as special as this first one was – and that every year brings more joy to your life as you have already done for us!

Birthdays and Belly Buttons

Natalie is finally 1 year old! This previous Sunday, a group of us gathered to celebrate the life that exists in this beautiful creature who, only a short while ago, did not exist. Her beauty, strength, intelligence and sense of humor only grow exponentially with each day and as we sat around watching her interact with the people around her, we noticed that she really is just a tiny human being.

Last year, she did nothing but eat, sleep, poop... now, she eats solid foods, sleeps through the night and tells us when her diaper is full. She plays peek-a-boo with blankets, or by holding her hands over her eyes. She loves to hold on to a blanket or stuffed animal. She gives kisses, hugs, smiles. She is even beginning to walk. The tiny person we thought was so fragile this time a year ago is now a strong, opinionated little girl with a beautiful personality and the brains to make us feel like maybe we won't be smart enough for her. She learns so fast, we had no idea. She is even learning parts of her body. She can point to her nose and, she can lift her shirt to show us her belly button! She has no idea that one year ago, her belly button still had bits of umbilical cord attached to it. She doesn't know yet that that cord is with her older sister, binding them through love they could not even begin to imagine. As my world gets more complicated with school and a toddler, it gets more amazing with every new step she takes, every new set of words, even the expressions on her face.

My little girl is starting to hold on conversations and, while we don't hear clear words, we are starting to hear the beginnings of words: "puhpuh" for puppy, "dada" for dad, "mama" for mom, "see" for sleep, and as her "l" sounds get more pronounced, we are just waiting for the first time she says "I love you." She certainly hears it often enough, it would be a likely first phrase.

Her party was a huge success, like everything she has tackled so far! She loves to eat pickles, bananas, lemons and even jalapeno cheddar bratwurst. When she falls down, she laughs and gets back up. She problem solves and finds solutions to things we didn't even think of. Not only is she learning new things every day, but so are we! It's hard to realize that this is only the first small step in the wonder that is Natalie. We've been through so much the past 2 years that it's impossible to imagine what the world would be like without her. We are so blessed, so loved and so excited to see what is next!

New milestones, new challenges

As Natalie gets older, it gets harder and harder to figure out a daily routine that doesn't involve constant and diligent surveillance. She crawls, pulls herself up and walks around the coffee table. She moves the things that block her from danger - the stroller that blocks the kitchen, the jumperoo that blocks the plug. She loves to unplug the television set. Natalie climbs on Yuki like she is a staircase. She pulls clothes out of the hamper and throws them across the room and toys are constantly in and out of the basket. In short, life is not the same as it was before. While this sounds like a bittersweet concept, it is, in fact, wonderful! She makes me wake up early and go to bed before midnight and she reminds me why I struggle through work and classes every year. I do it because I love her and she makes me want to be a stronger person than I even thought possible. Natalie is my wonderful, amazing, beautiful daughter and as she stands before me, chewing on the coffee table, or the occasional biting of my big toe with her two new teeth, she reminds me that even though there are things in life that present challenges to us, we must welcome them with grace and honor. Natalie does this when she falls on the ground, when she bumps her head, when she has to wait just a little while longer for a clean diaper or lunch because we are driving the 20 minutes home from daycare. Natalie makes friends so easily right now and I hope it stays that way for her forever. Young kids love her and older kids want to protect and teach her and she greets them with the funniest, enormous almost-toothless grin! She loves spaghetti and olives, but I think of all the things she loves, her Daddy is at the top of her list. I have to say, she's got pretty good radar about who she can and cannot trust... and I'm so glad to see that her Daddy is so good with her as well. He is so strong and patient with her, the new things she presents to us are greeted with a welcoming smile and a hearty laugh. We know we can count on him to make her laugh in any situation...though she's so good natured, she's usually a step ahead of us!

So begins the insanity!

Natalie can now pull herself up and crawl... we discovered how bad this actually can be the other day when she decided that her favorite thing to do is crawl over and play with the dog's water. She gets bigger and stronger and more beautiful every day, but along with that, more mischevious. She knows EXACTLY what she wants and what she has to do to get it. We are in for trouble, that's for sure!

Themes...

I'm going to steal an idea from some other blogs and start incorporating themes... Today we'll start with Wordless Wednesday!

Is this really my baby?!

8 months old next week and eager as ever to be a "big girl," Natalie is growing faster than I could have ever imagined! She can reach into her toy box for specific toys. She is trying like crazy to pull herself up on the coffee table... she is trying to CRAWL!!! What in the world happened to that tiny little baby who couldn't hold her own bottle, didn't know how to roll over, had to have me do everything for her? She's growing up. Independence is one of Natalie's strongest characteristics. She loves to cuddle sometimes, but for the most part, she wants to do things herself. She enjoys sitting on the floor and playing with her toys. She talks to herself and the dog. As I write, she pulls the toy basket across the floor so she can better access the steering wheel toy that she's been trying to get to for 5 minutes. She figured it out. We're entering the stage of toys being pulled out simply because she CAN. Even the basket is a toy, perhaps it is the best one of all! I am amazed at the softness of her skin and the brightness of her eyes, the intelligence she's displaying at every turn. The thought processes she's so obviously using now apparent in her actions - my little girl is not so little anymore. She has big dreams, even if for right now that limits her to trying to EAT the toy basket. For now, I'm satisfied with that as her goals.
I love watching her try to figure out the basket and how its movements are caused by what she does... she pulls it forward and the handle bumps her head!
My thoughts are scattered now, as it has been a long time since I've written anything - more hours at work and much more time needing to keep a close watch on my darling Natalie lead to exhaustion and I find that that my mind is a bit muddled... All I know for certain is that the love I have for her grows exponentially every day. I wonder if my heart can grow large enough to handle it!

@what.com?

I've spent the past few hours wandering the Web 2.0 and trying to figure out a few of the tools that are being extended to today's youth. My favorite so far is www.magnoto.com where I have a site now that I can link to my blog, twitter, facebook, etc. etc. There is no way now that people can lose track of me. I can tweet updates about me, Natalie, life, anything I can cram into 140 characters, which is very cool AND very terrifying. Do I really want the world to know this much about me? Well, I DO have a blog or two...(www.womanrunningwithwolves.blogspot.com) I wonder how different things are going to be for Natalie as she grows up. Will I be able to keep up with all these changes? I discovered yesterday that the search engine Google is even cooler than I realized, but for now, I'm perfectly content to have Natalie playing with toys that she can stick in her mouth and not have to worry about frying the hard drive or drooling on the motherboard. There are no circuits in a teething ring or a play mat. I like the simplicity of motherhood right now, but I figured I probably better be familiar with the new web before I am so far behind I hardly know anything at all! So, back to work, there's homework to be done and tweets to tweet before bedtime!

Childhood Memories

I sit on the couch on this Easter Sunday with my beautiful baby girl beside me sleeping peacefully. She fought this nap, much like every other, so I decided to make use of the laptop and YouTube. I searched for a song which has meant the world to me for many years, so much that I walked down the aisle as it played. Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D Major.
When I was in second grade, they employed a method called Silent Sustained Reading (SSR) in order to encourage us to read more. My teacher always turned down the lights and played Pachelbel's Canon. This song always calmed down our class no matter how energetic we wre that day. Peaceful, beautiful, serene, awe-inspiring. Much like my beautiful daughter sleeping in her pillow, not a care in the world. This sweet serenity reminds me of the hope and joy that comes from music. As a second song, I found Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, which holds more bittersweet memories for me. I first heard it when I was in fifth grade, as I waited with my Aunt Kathy and my mom in the lobby of the Hospice where my Grandma lived, only days before she passed away. I can still see my aunt sitting in front of that black Grand Piano, so much emotion and beauty in her playing, as we all recognized that this would be one of the last times we would ever see my Grandma, a woman who's name has been passed down to Natalie. Rose. I even sometimes want to call Natalie "Rosie" because she resembles my beautiful Grandmother in so many ways. She has the same reddish hair, the same unfortunate jowels that have been passed down through my mother and me, the same love of life and addictive giggle. A woman who showed me early on that it was okay to be different, it was okay to be sick AND happy, a woman who should by all medical reasoning have died twenty years sooner than she did, my Grandma lives on in my mother, my daughter and me...
And finally, a search for lullabies led me to one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. Andrea Bocelli. "Con Te Partiro (Time to Say Goodbye)" is one of my favorite love songs of all time, sung in beautiful Italian by a man who cannot see, but has decided that life is too wonderful to pity oneself and instead has had an illustrious career that is not over. The song I found, however, was from Sesame Street. Andrea Bocelli and Elmo's Lullaby. In a strangely angelic adaptation, Elmo is refusing to go to bed, while Bocelli sings "Time to Say Goodnight." I highly recommend searching for this video.
While Pachelbel's Canon was ultimately what put my dear angel to sleep, I was thankful to have a few moments to enjoy the other songs as well. My sweet, wonderful, bewitching daughter steals my heart every time she looks at me and smiles, every time she sleeps, every time she breathes. It was nice to remember some of the things that got me to where I am today, and know that these things will get her through as well.